My mum, for example, knows better than anyone just how sensitive I can be. But if I’m really unsure about something, I’ll ask an outsider. I was born with thin skin, so I tend to brush off most comments I think are undermining, chalking them up to my sensitivity. Of course, you want to make sure you’re not being sensitive. When you’re trying to save money, they tempt you to splurge. When you’re trying to stick to a diet, they urge you to eat unhealthy food. They tempt you: They steer you away from your goals by offering tempting alternatives.They overcompensate: They oversell themselves as supportive, nurturing, or caring.They’re great at backhanded compliments: Their compliments seem oddly insulting.They might disguise gossip and judgment as concern. They’re judgmental: They like to gossip about the lifestyle choices of other friends or family members.
You feel defensive around them: You feel defensive, like you have to prove something to them, and you’re not quite sure why.They do it to others: You’re not the only one to take notice.You’ll probably notice a few distinctive traits in someone who does this: Here’s how a study published in the Journal of Organizational Behaviour defines it:īehaviour intended to hinder, over time, the ability to establish and maintain positive interpersonal relationships, work-related success, and favourable reputation.īasically, social undermining uses negativity to weaken a person’s goals or successes. With social undermining, the motive is to well, undermine. That was an honest mistake there was no motive. I felt horrible immediately after saying it, because it sounded like a criticism rather than something I admired.
For example, when a frugal friend once told me how much she saved on her wedding, I agreed that “cheap” weddings could be great. What seems like social undermining might just be someone saying something stupid. We all put our foot in our mouths occasionally.
#UNDERMINE ME HOW TO#
Here’s how to go about it.īefore anything, make sure you’re actually dealing with social undermining. But it’s best to nip an undermining friend in the bud before you reach a boiling point. It’s not fun to deal with, especially if you hate confrontation. You start to doubt yourself, you feel a lack of support, and you become resentful. It’s called social undermining, and it may seem harmless enough, but it can take an emotional toll. Whatever the impetus, most of us have dealt with a friend or family member who seems to enjoy knocking you down a peg.
Or maybe you’re making more frugal choices to get your finances in order.
#UNDERMINE ME SERIES#
It was the first of what turned out to be a series of confusing, passive-aggressive incidents. I didn’t quite understand what she meant, but I felt diminished. My friend chimed in, “She’s a vlogger,” then giggled. It was hard work, it required lots of planning, researching and interviewing, and it was how I paid the bills. “I work on an online video series,” I said. Years ago, a friend introduced me to someone who asked what I did for a living.
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